Humbled inspiration 

So I took a little unintended break from writing. Life got a hold of me. People came to visit. That place called work apparently starts over every week and expects me to show up five days in a row. And keeping up the house on weekends by cleaning, doing laundry, blah blah blah. Oh and the five year old… She requires a lot. 

But really, I think the reason my subconscious took that break was because my soul was transforming… to happy. Somehow this past month I kind of learned how to love myself again. I really just let it all go. Fear. Sadness. Anger. Love. Health. Joy. I sent it out to the universe. Allllllll the emotions…

I felt. I conquered. I let go.

And what happened? Well. This woman, Mollie, found me. She is a writer for Caters News Agency in the U.K. Yea. Over the pond. I mean how freaking random?! And she interviewed me. Little old me. She featured me in an article about choriocarcinoma!* I mean holy guacamole! I stopped looking for meaning in my life. I said, out loud, for the first time,

I want to be the person who inspires. 

I said that! And then only two days later, Mollie shows up in my inbox. 

What!!!???

And amongst this new found fame, (let’s just call it that for now. My creativity is slow today and I just can’t think of a better word at the moment. I’m far from famous.) I can only hope someone is inspired or realizes they are not walking their path alone. That I have been in the depths of Hell too. But now, after three years, I stand in the light facing the rainbow the clouds hid for so long.

My relationship with myself is at an all time high. I love Sarah. She is pretty awesome. And she has done A LOT. And she’s still learning a lot. My relationship with my family (my daughter and boyfriend) has blossomed to a level I never knew before. All because I focused on ME and who I want to be and who I have become. 

I’ve said yes to things like seeing a local play and going out to a winery on a Wednesday. I‘ve said no to things like going to a birthday party and going out to dinner with friends. I’ve basically just followed the instinct from my heart instead of my head. Whatever thought first pops into my soul, that initial reaction, the gut feeling if you will… I’ve followed that. 

So now I am reading this amazing book, I hope I screw this up by Kyle Cease. It’s incredible. And hilarious. It’s everything I have been going through this last month. I am nodding and saying YES! as I read this book. I’m talking to a book. That’s how good it is. I’m halfway through and I am pretty sure something even more transformational will take place within me. It has to. Because that’s what I’m allowing. It’s what I’m wanting.

So I basically am here to toot my own horn. After years of toot-less-ness. I feel really damn good. And I am hoping I become a person who makes you feel really damn good.

That rainbow was there the whole time. The whole time. I just finally took a big enough breath to blow the clouds out of the way…


*In case you’re interested here are the two articles about yours truly.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4474148/My-baby-grapefruit-sized-cancerous-tumor.html
https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/3479856/mums-heartache-as-her-second-baby-turns-out-to-be-womb-cancer-after-pregnancy-test-detects-disease/

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